Last Updated
3 days ago (01/28/2015)

Mean Insults

"When I think about you, I touch myself."
Meaning I rub my temples, because you give me a fucking headache.
42
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
-25
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
307
Your mother was arrested for littering every time she dropped you off at school.
71
Get off, you malignant growth!
-47
If you ever wonder how mistakes are made you should go ask your mother. She knows all about it, she's got you to prove.
48
I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.
44
Nothing happens after you die? False. Some of us will be throwing a party.
87
Oh I love what you've done with your hair! How did you get it to stick out of your nostrils like that?
49
The world is a depressing place, but only because you are in it.
40
Life without douchebags is a life without you. Because you can account for all of them.
50
I failed a spelling test because they asked me how to spell 'bitch' and I wrote down your name.
15
You're like a cloud; once you fuck off, it's a beautiful day.
40
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
21
The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?
87
If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up your ego and jump to your IQ.
50
Person: My Parents are dead...
Me: Yeah, I'd kill myself too if I had a kid like you.
14
How do you get an emo out of a tree? Cut the rope.
-50
Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
9
At least my birth certificate isn't an apology letter from the Trojan Co.
66
If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad!
51
I hope you have life insurance, you're gonna need it.
-24
I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!
22
Lets play house.You be the door and I'll slam you.
71
Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
187
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers and this one's for you. [Middle Finger]
82
You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.
38
I'd slap you, but I don't want slut on my hands.
47
Insult: Shut up.
Comeback: Make me
Comeback Insult: I don't make bullshit.
78
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
27