Last Updated
1 month ago (10/30/2014)

Relationship Insults

1 month ago
You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
63
8 months ago
Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
15
10 months ago
If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
36
1 year ago
You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
11
1 year ago
Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
27
2 years ago
Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
130
2 years ago
Ex: You'll never find someone like me.
You: That's the point.
55
2 years ago
Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?
32
2 years ago
Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
22
2 years ago
I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?
62
3 years ago
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
79
3 years ago
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
125
3 years ago
I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
40
3 years ago
Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
267
3 years ago
You're just mad because your hair is straighter than you are.
258
3 years ago
Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
709
3 years ago
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Garbage is dumped,
And so are you.
224
3 years ago
Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.
135
3 years ago
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
782
4 years ago
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
64