Last Updated
3 months ago (11/04/2014)

Relationship Insults

Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
4
3 months ago
If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
26
5 months ago
You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
8
11 months ago
Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
20
1 year ago
Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
109
1 year ago
Ex: You'll never find someone like me.
You: That's the point.
44
1 year ago
Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?
32
2 years ago
Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
18
2 years ago
I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?
51
2 years ago
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
75
2 years ago
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
112
2 years ago
I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
37
2 years ago
Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
254
3 years ago
You're just mad because your hair is straighter than you are.
244
3 years ago
Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
668
3 years ago
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Garbage is dumped,
And so are you.
212
3 years ago
Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.
134
3 years ago
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
763
3 years ago
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
63
4 years ago
Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
279
4 years ago